Throughout history, love has been a popular and consistent topic, with no exception for Confucius. However, he seldom discussed love but focused more on the love embedded in human relationships.
Confucius once said, “There is government, when the prince is prince, and the minister is minister; when the father is father, and the son is son.”
He believed that there are five basic relationships in human society: monarchs and subjects, fathers and sons, brothers, husbands and wives, and friends.
These five relationships shape the basis of interpersonal interaction and serve as key factors in building a harmonious society.
Thus, Confucius’ concept of love is reflected more in these five types of relationships. He focuses on love that is bound by kinship and friendship.
Confucius’s Views of Love
In a narrow sense, love usually refers to romance. Some historical documents suggest that Confucius’s understanding of love may be consistent with some of the ideas in The Book of Songs.
The Analects of Confucius recorded his views on The Book of Songs. He once said, “The 300 poems in The Book of Songs can be summarized into core ideas of pure and innocent thoughts.”
In a broader sense, Confucius’s “love” is more like Ren (仁). He elaborates on Ren from different perspectives, and “loving others” is the basic idea of Ren. For Confucius, “loving others” works as the bond between people, and the whole society is built based on everyone’s “loving others”.
He also uses Li to determine kinship, social hierarchy, and social status, and to identify nobility and inferiority.
According to Confucius, there are levels of “benevolence” and “love”. Based on social life, one should love himself or herself more than others; One should also love those who are close to them more than those who are far away from them.
It is worth noting that this kind of hierarchical love is different from the “universal love” advocated by Mohism.
Lists of Confucius Love Quotes
Confucius’ quotations on love can be divided into two aspects: pure love and the relationship between ruler and subject, parents, brothers, and friends.
About Pure Love
There are a few quotes of Confucius about love. Below are three quotes related to love, but interpretations about them may vary from person to person.
- 关雎，乐而不淫，哀而不伤。 (From The Analects of Confucius: Eight Yis)
Phonetic transcription (Pinyin): ɡuān jū, lè ér bù yín, āi ér bù shānɡ.
Translation: ‘Guan Ju‘ is pleasing without being excessive and is mournful without being injurious.
Interpretations:
Guan Ju is the first poem in The Book of Songs to delicately describe the feelings and relationship between a man and a woman. Confucius’s comment on the poem with these words is undoubtedly an affirmation and recognition of the concept of love conveyed in the poem.
In his view, love between a man and a woman is normal and natural, but the expression of love should conform to propriety, and one should be sure of their emotional measure and not be excessively happy or sad.
2. 爱之欲其生，恶之欲其死，既欲其生，又欲其死，是惑也。 (From The Analects of Confucius: Yan Yuan)
Phonetic transcription: ài zhī yù qí shēnɡ, è zhī yù qí sǐ, jì yù qí shēnɡ, yòu yù qí sǐ, shì huò yě.
Translation: Wish a long life unto one’s beloved and an instant death unto one’s foe. Expect both to live and die, perplexing.
Interpretations: In this quote, Confucius shows that when a man and a woman are in love, they are easily influenced by subjective factors. He warns us that both love parties must understand each other’s feelings and needs, and respect each other’s wishes and choices.
About Benevolence
Confucius devoted his life to exploring and inheriting the concept of ‘benevolence’. In addition to pure love, he had many unique insights into benevolence.
3. 孝悌也者，其为仁之本与。 (From The Analects of Confucius: Xue Er)
Phonetic transcription: xiào tì yě zhě, qí wéi rén zhī běn yǔ.
Translation: Filial piety serves as the foundation of benevolence.
Interpretations: According to Confucius, filial piety originates in the feelings and actions of people who repay their parents for their birth and upbringing. From love to respect, from respect to obedience, it gradually develops from spontaneous love to a certain binding moral code.
He stresses that filial piety and fraternal duty are the basis for the practice of charity. It is through the practice of filial piety and fraternal duty that people can better understand and care for others, which can then be extended to a wider range of social relationships.
4. 弟子入则孝，出则弟，谨而信，泛爱众，而亲仁。 (From The Analects of Confucius: Xue Er)
Phonetic transcription: dì zǐ rù zé xiào, chū zé dì, jǐn ér xìn, fàn ài zhònɡ, ér qīn rén.
Translation: Young people should be filial to their parents at home and respectful to their brothers when they are with them. They should be serious and trustworthy, love the populace extensively, and be close to those who are humane.
Interpretation: In this quote, Confucius mentions that a person should love their parents, brothers, and friends. He emphasizes that to be a moral and good person, one must possess virtues of filial piety, respect, prudence, faith, love, and benevolence.
5. 父母唯其疾之忧。 (From The Analects of Confucius: The Way of Governance)
Phonetic transcription: fù mǔ wéi qí jí zhī yōu.
Translation: Parents only have their worries about their illnesses.
Interpretations: The deeper meaning of these words is to emphasize the love of children for their parents. He believed that a truly filial son should do everything in his power to keep his parents from worrying about him, except for uncontrollable factors such as illness. They should only worry about their children’s health, not the aspect of virtue.
6. 身体发肤，受之父母。不敢毁伤，孝之始也。(From The Book of Filial Piety: Principle And Explaining the Meaning)
Phonetic transcription: shēn tǐ fā fū, shòu zhī fù mǔ. bù ɡǎn huǐ shānɡ, xiào zhī shǐ yě.
Translation: My skin and hair are given by my parents and cannot get any scratches. This is the beginning of filial conduct.
Interpretation: This quote expresses the love between parents and children. It emphasizes the responsibilities and duties of children to their parents. As children, they should take care of their bodies and keep them healthy and safe, so as not to worry their parents. At the same time, the phrase also expresses the importance of filial piety, which reflects respect and care for parents.
7. 昔三代明王，必敬妻子也。 (From The Family Tale of Confucius)
Phonetic transcription: xī sān dài mínɡ wánɡ, bì jìnɡ qī zǐ yě.
Translation: In the past three generations, the wise emperors all respect their wives.
Translation: This statement emphasizes the importance of family relationships. In the family, there should be mutual respect and care between husband and wife and between parents and children. Only in this way can harmonious and happy family relationships be established.
8.《书》云: 孝乎惟孝，友于兄弟。 (From The Analects of Confucius: The Way of Governance)
Phonetic transcription:《shū》yún: xiào hū wéi xiào, yǒu yú xiōnɡ dì.
Translation: In The Book of History, filial duty that respect for parents and fraternity towards brothers are family affairs.
Interpretation: This is Confucius’s interpretations about the way of filial piety and fraternal duty. He emphasised that filial piety and respect for parents, fraternity and brotherhood are the core of family ethics and an important foundation for family harmony and social stability.
9. 巧言、令色、足恭，左丘明耻之，丘亦耻之。匿怨而友其人，左丘明耻之，丘亦耻之。 (From The Analects of Confucius: Gongye Chang)
Phonetic transcription: qiǎo yán、lìnɡ sè、zú ɡōnɡ, zuǒ qiū mínɡ chǐ zhī, qiū yì chǐ zhī. nì yuàn ér yǒu qí rén, zuǒ qiū mínɡ chǐ zhī, qiū yì chǐ zhī.
Translation: Zuo Qiuming are ashamed to use clever words, flattery, and courtesy, and I’m also ashamed of them. Concealing resentment and befriending others, Zuo is ashamed of it, and so am I.
Interpretations: This quote not only reflects Confucius’s profound insights into friendship, but also his views on being a human being in the world.
According to Confucius, true friendship is based on sincerity, trust and morality. That is to say, love for others should be sincere. It is not desirable to be superficially friendly, or to show love and respect for others only in words, without a sincere heart and practical actions.
10. 克己复礼为仁。 (From The Analects of Confucius: Yan Yuan)
Phonetic transcription: kè jǐ fù lǐ wéi rén.
Translation: A benevolent man will control himself in conformity with the rules of propriety.
Interpretations: This quote conveys a way of cultivating oneself that focuses on one’s growth. From the perspective of love, when we truly exercise self-control and behave in line with the norms of propriety, we are also more able to love ourselves.